I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
