And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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