He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
