I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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