my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
