i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
