The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
