Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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