i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
