I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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