the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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