I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
