I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
