i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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