A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
