Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
