Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
