She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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