Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
