I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
