Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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