i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
