This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
