ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
