i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
