Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
