You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
