i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
