bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
