You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
