It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
