Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
