YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
