Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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