we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
