I hate your face
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
