:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
