Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
