you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
