I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
