I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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