So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know her cup size but not her name....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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