Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
