so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
