I could make wine with my vomit
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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