I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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