i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
