she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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