She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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