im drinking this country out of the recession.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
