is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
