the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
