Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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