I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
