Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
